you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
