Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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