just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
