Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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