Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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