Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
