That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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