Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize