Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
