I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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