she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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