shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
