Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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