so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
...so i touched it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
