$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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