I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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