if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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