Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
