Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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