Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
