Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
