I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
