Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
