oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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