You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ttyl tear gas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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