and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
