i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize