So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
