how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
