WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
