i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
