I got chris browned last night
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
