I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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