i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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