you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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