now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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