Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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