No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize