her vagine was all disorganized.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
