My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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