just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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