she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
