it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
