Nicole vs. Life
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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