I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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