I'm jealous of your bromance
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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