so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
