Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
