ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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