you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think i got beer on your cat.
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