But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
