I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
