just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
