My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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