Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
