I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
