so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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