Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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