i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
