So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
