FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
