Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
