she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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