The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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