I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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