Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
