i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
