did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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