WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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