I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
