whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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