The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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