The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
time to smoke my breakfast
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it glows. i had to have it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
