Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize