just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
