you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize