I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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