Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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