tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
