I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
